In my family being “right” proved to be a major obstacle in negotiating anything, a consequence of male members “knowing everything,” a constant point of complaint with my paternal grandmother. My grandfather did not care who he pissed off as long as he made the point that he was right, which in many cases he wasn’t. Making it even worse was his inability to see or admit that he was wrong and his refusal to move on with life.
When I decided to move into the area of personal relations, I had many ideas of what constitutes a great relationship, how to maintain a relationship, and how to avoid a bad relationship. Although there are numerous ways to jeopardize a relationship one of the most common is insistence on being right. Both men and women do it and it is equally disruptive and nonproductive in both cases.
First, no one is always right. Second, when it comes to relationships the insistence on being right is a good way to end up alone as it is inconsiderate of a partner and rude at the very least. Compromise is a term I do not particularly care for because it implies giving up something desirable. Instead, I prefer making smart decisions.
Thinking someone is an idiot is your prerogative, but speaking that idea to someone’s face could result in serious repercussions. It is never a good idea to wave pork chops while walking in a lion’s den just as always speaking the truth may not always be a good idea even though it is the truth. The person you are speaking with may indeed be other world ugly. They may also possess a hair-trigger temper and carry a gun, a situation that may not bode well for the truth speaker.
Good communication is important in building and growing any relationship. One of the largest communication issues is unwillingness to accept responsibility. People quite often come into a relationship with problems that only are issues for them. Yet, they can poison any hope of smooth sailing. The sad fact is that nearly everyone has bad experiences in their life that mark them forever, but every individual makes a choice whether to move forward or dwell in the past. Those that choose to live in the past or insist on being right and make excuses about their failure to move forward alienate those they care about most and end up alone.
Basic Advice: If you know saying something will hurt someone you love—do not say it. It is a cardinal rule for communication and relationship building. When in doubt, shut your mouth. Being right in relationships is playing with fire. Knowing when to hold’m and when to fold’m makes the difference in relationship success.
