King of the Jungle

Donald R Barbera, 2001

Forgive me if I not humble, when words start to rumble, I’m the baddest in the jungle.

but lions are loquacious, for someone so bodacious, that’s why I slap their faces

with a heavy communiqué, that keeps them in disarray.

Making monkeys chatter paragraphs, I be leaping over verb giraffes

with my presupposition, wthout any superstition to complete my juxtaposition

of sentences, phrases and prose, even forgetting the elephants knows

I’ll ride him like Hannibal; being lexicon programmable,

saying anything imaginable, ‘cause I’m a declarative animal,

growling when chimps be spittin’ lame, trying to compute the game, but it’s not the same.

When they rag out bustin’ sexual, can’t spar with blows ineffectual

with no capacity to go toe to toe, hoping to catch up with the blow;

making their position precarious, when I’m nefarious, a known word terrorist;

lambaste with straight in the face, slap a gorilla upside the head,

make him wish he was dead. Was it something that I said?

Don’t misconceive, if you underachieve.

It’s all adolescent, prepubescent, you need an anti-depressant

soothing these crunch body blows, where it all shows, but who knows

what they’re saying? I don’t be playing.

With words in disrepair, mine shine like a solitaire.

I’m a jungle conglomerate, and that’s why I’m dominant

over the monkey and the chimp and the nappy head lion too,

because they all be in awe, force them to raise a paw

and know I’m a word legislator, and that’s just my nature,

to reenact as a matter of fact skills, drills and will fulfill

the rest of the verbiage story; without a worry or hurry

where, others masquerade, in the word parade, displayed

as highly prophylactic, trying to be didactic, but mostly anticlimactic

because when it’s all in place, there ain’t no extra space

for rhinos or zebras to fuss, they just get on the bus

because they all know I’m-----the Rappapotomus.

Personal Communications

In my family being “right” proved to be a major obstacle in negotiating anything, a consequence of male members “knowing everything,” a constant point of complaint with my paternal grandmother. My grandfather did not care who he pissed off as long as he made the point that he was right, which in many cases he wasn’t. Making it even worse was his inability to see or admit that he was wrong and his refusal to move on with life.

When I decided to move into the area of personal relations, I had many ideas of what constitutes a great relationship, how to maintain a relationship, and how to avoid a bad relationship. Although there are numerous ways to jeopardize a relationship one of the most common is insistence on being right. Both men and women do it and it is equally disruptive and nonproductive in both cases.

First, no one is always right. Second, when it comes to relationships the insistence on being right is a good way to end up alone as it is inconsiderate of a partner and rude at the very least. Compromise is a term I do not particularly care for because it implies giving up something desirable. Instead, I prefer making smart decisions.

Thinking someone is an idiot is your prerogative, but speaking that idea to someone’s face could result in serious repercussions. It is never a good idea to wave pork chops while walking in a lion’s den just as always speaking the truth may not always be a good idea even though it is the truth. The person you are speaking with may indeed be other world ugly. They may also possess a hair-trigger temper and carry a gun, a situation that may not bode well for the truth speaker.

Good communication is important in building and growing any relationship. One of the largest communication issues is unwillingness to accept responsibility. People quite often come into a relationship with problems that only are issues for them. Yet, they can poison any hope of smooth sailing. The sad fact is that nearly everyone has bad experiences in their life that mark them forever, but every individual makes a choice whether to move forward or dwell in the past. Those that choose to live in the past or insist on being right and make excuses about their failure to move forward alienate those they care about most and end up alone.

Basic Advice: If you know saying something will hurt someone you love—do not say it. It is a cardinal rule for communication and relationship building. When in doubt, shut your mouth. Being right in relationships is playing with fire. Knowing when to hold’m and when to fold’m makes the difference in relationship success.

Dating Countdown for Men

Listen up all you males looking for women! 



The Author Donald R Barbera

The results are in and clearly, there are some things men need to avoid on the dating scene. Here are the top ten turnoffs for women you might be hoping to date along with some advice from both men and women that may help you avoid being turned down, talked about behind your back and worse, being talked about to your face.  In a recent survey I conducted where I asked what makes some men un-dateable and the poll participants didn’t bite their tongues or pull any punches. Moving right into the survey all you men that don’t practice good hygiene:

1. James Brown can make it funky, but funky men are out! Neither men nor women want to be with you or even around you. Out of all the categories, stinky men stunk up the joint so bad that second place wasn’t even close. This is a “we’re number one” rating you don’t want. If you have real friends they should let you know that you need to bathe and use deodorant. Tied in with aromatic repellents was bad breath. If your breath is strong enough to do chin-ups on, you have a problem. It might be  a sigtn of a dental problem. If that is the case get off your ass and get yourself to the dentist's office. Otherwise, a toothbrush is too easy to find and use. Nowadays, they even have miniature toothbrushes in a package that easily fits into your pocket. It already has toothpaste on it. All you have to do is USE it! So, there is no reason to go anyplace with dragon breath.
2. All you saggers and draggers let it be known that no one wants to see your nasty ass! Young gay men in the poll said it looked nasty and ghetto. Women came down hard saying that saggers looked like prison chain-gang members you see on the side of the road picking up trash. Although profiling by the police is forbidden, we all know it happens and saggers invite police attention. If yo0u don't want to constantly be on Law & Order, get smart--pull up your draws! Interestingly, COPS regularly shows footage of saggers trying to run with one hand holding up their pants and losing the foot race as their pants turn them into crippled penguins.
3. You like to drink? The survey says you put your dating life in serious jeopardy with too much drinking. Being drunk is unacceptable and usually unforgiveable. So, while you get your drink on there are women watching you and crossing you off their list of potential candidates. Drinking was one of the most repeated items that made a man un-dateable. Combined with this category were illegal drugs. "Childish and foolish" were the two things said most often about men involved with illegal drugs. With the job market as flimsy as it is men need clear heads and mind.
4. Underemployed men came in fourth. Women don’t like single men without a job. Of course, that means that if you have no money, you have no chance. Women don’t like a broke-ass man. Combined with unemployed, lack of ambition and lazy were definitely were one-way tickets to “kicked to the curb.” Even worse were men unwilling to work. This entire group ranked among the useless and worthless crew. Included in this hot mess were men with no plans and no goals. Is the message dropping through? Figure out something to do with your life including work! It's hard out there for a pimp, but a pimp is working. Find you some honest work. Manual Labor is a visitor from south of the border, it is--let me make an introduction--meet a job!
5. Fingernails hit it big! Everything from dirty fingernails and chewed fingernails to one long finger nail on the little finger and clear fingernail polish put men on the endangered species list. Many that supplied comments said hands were the first things they looked at when talking to a man. Gentlemen wash your bleeping hands and trim your damn nails. If you have the money, get a manicure. By the way, the long fingernail on the pinky played out with Superfly. Long nails belong on women and animals, otherwise keep them short and clean.
6. Men hooked on sports. This one came as surprise, but evidently plenty of women see it as a problem. Of course, body painting for sports events is a no-no, but men over-involved in watching sports is a turn off to many women as the ranking shows. Attitudes because your team lost are seen as childish, as is screaming at the television and wearing clothes better suited for the gym or college reunion. A sports weekend is a waste of relationship time. Friday night football, Saturday College football and Sunday pro football may make you happy, but when hoping to date a woman, it’s like garlic breath—it keeps everyone away.
7. Nasty homes or apartments. You'll never get her back to your place again if you are a nasty housekeeper. Nastiness includes unwashed clothes stacked around like decoration, filthy toilets and no toilet paper, dirty showers and stains that have a carbon date. Not washing your hands when leaving the bathroom is a killer. Dude, women have eyes, ears and noses and can smell a nasty ass a mile away. Cars caught some of the displeasure with this one as most said a nasty car inside or out was a definite date killer. This one should be easy to avoid, but some of you are pigs and the only farm animals that interest women are on Facebook’s Farmville or a cash cow.
8. Got a filthy mouth? Then scratch yourself off the list. Cursing demonstrates low intelligence, bad manners and disrespect to many women. Your titty bar raps need to stay there and it would probably be a good idea for you to do the same. Foul language is for the birds and definitely inhibits dating. Wise up and shut up!
9. Mean dogs or girlie dogs didn’t light any fires on the survey. Rottweiler’s, Pit Bulls, Dobermans and other dogs known to be vicious kill the romantic cycle.  Little “girlie” dogs for a man were also considered a turn off. German Shepherds and Labs were well-liked. A word to the wise is usually sufficient, but for the unusually dense don’t buy a dog that you can’t take to the park in peace and maybe attract a few women your way.
10. If your mama runs your life—forget about it! Mama’s boys are as good as kryptonite with Superman; they repel women like the Orkin man. A man that checks on his mother is admired while a man that follows motherly advice concerning women is like limburger cheese—nice taste but repulsive.

Cheer up men because there are some women that will date any of these types, but when you seek a woman of quality, according to those surveyed you won't even make the short list. Like I said , there are women who will date you even with all of the above problems, BUT know this, a woman that puts up with more than three of these things might make you sorry you ever said a word. And that's all I got to say about that. Next week, we’ll look at what turns men off about women when it comes to dating!

Suitable for Framing:

The Pithy and Pissy Sayings of Donald R Barbera

On Youth

The fountain of youth is a mental state. As long as we believe we are young, so we are. Youth is mistakenly identified as a physical state when our bodies are hard and our minds are soft. Yet, there are multitudes of young minds that react in ways belying their years and verifying that youth is wasted on the young.

On Wisdom

Those who assume an unarmed enemy make for interesting history.

Never show up at a gunfight with a knife.

Knowledge begets understanding and understanding is the father of wisdom.

Many young know-it-alls are still dead.

Because one’s hand is out of sight doesn’t mean it didn’t throw a stone, nor does it inform one of who is standing to the rear.

It is a wise man who holds his peace when not knowing who is present.

A wise man always knows that getting there first is not necessarily good especially when disaster is the prize.

Those who speak without knowing are not only in danger of being wrong, but dead wrong.

On Sex

There are four things men will lie about: Sex, Money, Possessions and Religion. Depending upon age, the order may change, but the subjects remain the same.

Sex is overrated only to those who have never experienced it, have no possibility of experiencing it or are too old to care or remember.

Discipline is desire’s compass.

Only after the climax is sex is overrated.

Sex requires no commitment.

To the enlightened, the primary difference between love and sex is level of commitment.

Of love and sex, only sex can be bought.

On Education

It is a wise man who learns from his mistakes, but it is genius when he learns from the mistakes of others.

Ignorance is exposed by education.

Education is enlightenment.

Education is to knowledge, as teaching is to understanding.

With education comes awareness of ignorance.

Training is to behavior, as application is to results.

Thinking is to philosophy, as judgment is to wisdom.

Training is of behavior, as application is of results.

Education is about knowledge, as teaching is to understanding, whereas wisdom is of judgment.

On Laughter

Laughter is medicine for the soul.

Laughter is music for the soul.

We are musicians all and laughter is our instrument.

On Adversity

Difficulty by its nature drives man to improvise and invent.

On Character

Character is having the desire to say yes but the courage to say no

The unearned advantage is an advantage that is without value and is easily squandered.

Goals easily achieved build only build egos, not character.

On Success

Success is achieving the goal set by one’s self.

On Communication

Words are our paint, conversation our canvass.

On Men

Men mature to death.

On Understanding

Understanding requires knowledge and willingness to override preconceived notions.

On Stupidity

A fool’s score is a short tally.

On Judging

Judge an individual not by his words, but his acts of nature and even then don’t trust your own eyes for vision is of the heart not of the head.

The moral high ground is steep and without guardrails.

On Love

Love and mercury have similar attributes, if taken internally they are fatal.

On Hatred

The line between self-improvement and self-hatred is often thin.

The difference between self-improvement and self-hatred is self-opinion.

On Common Sense

Hindsight only appears twenty-twenty.

Destiny is often what we make it.

On War

War is the offspring of failure.

War is a victory of ignorance.

War is ignorance’s triumph.

Destruction is a goal easily achieved and maintained.

Creation is fraught with difficulty and ceaseless support. Still, it is better to build and live, for to destroy is to die.

Overwhelming force often makes up for shortcomings.

Errors, shortcomings, mistakes, etc. more times than not are often overcome by superior talent, conditioning, intelligence or overwhelming force.

On Failure

Failure is often the father of success.

On Fighting

Never shoot off your mouth without a full clip.

Fights are not the result of hot words being spoken, but, rather, the result of cool words left unsaid.

Placing the blame increases the problem. It rubs salts in the wound and does nothing to solve the problem. It creates ill will and encourages the dodging of responsibility.

Tangerine Dreams

A flash of color,
sweet cinnamon skin
starts to remind me,
that we’re not really kin.

Tangerine Capri’s cuts

low across neat hips,
protruding tube top
makes me lick my lips.

A navel on soft caramel

blaze my eyes like sand,
burning this front seat rider
sitting on his aching hands.

Seventeen with hard pants,

but I did just what I should
and forgot my hot teenage dream, but
damn, Aunt Jeanie sure looks good.

Taskmaster Porter E



Doc and Lynda



No one could be a tougher taskmaster than my father, he expected much of me and even more of himself. He is still with me and as he raises his bar at eighty how can I help but find another hurdle to jump? Excellence was his reputation and even my early attempts to undo it could not even scratch the surface.

The Taskmaster!

My mother is gone but shed no tears for me,

for she left me a wealth of herself in the words
that sometimes flows like the ink from my pen.
She still gives me an understanding nature
asking no more of anyone than I ask of myself,
but my father, Porter E, he put the rod in my back
and the rod to my backside to make a man of me.

With him, anything less than the best was too little

if more could have been done with the same effort.
He taught me that fat meat is indeed greasy and that
it is better to let sleeping dogs lie than to barter with trouble.
His hand still guides my soul to search further than I
would have looked if left to a back without a spine;
to question all and especially those things that
are not to be questioned, for they are the most
vulnerable to truth and reality under close examination.

He is still with me and we engage in active intellectual debate;

not to showoff or change minds but to exercise our own;
he still teaches me not to become too comfortable with the world
and not to worry too much about if there’s a next
and to know there has never been a doubt of his love for me.

Donald R Barbera Copyright, December 2000

Ven Reposa Comigo

De: Don Barbera, ã1999
 

En el azul terciopelo de la obscuridad,

un hilito plateado del rayo de luna
flota a traves de lo alto de la cama
formando un resplandor electrico.
Los dedos de la briza del mar
pasan suavemente sobre las altas ventanas,
agitando la pureza del palido satin,
formando divinas siluetas sobre el suelo.
Un chispiante triangulo de anil,
llueve su placida luz de luna
en los altos postes de la cama, cuniertos de gazas
flotando en las reales alas de la noche.
Ven reposa conmigo a la luz de la luna
y ayudame a contar las strellas en el cielo.
Pon tu cabeza sobre mi almohada,
pon tu atuendo sobre mis piernas.
Ven reposa y eschucha las agiles canciones
de la mar que nunca terminan.
Deja que el centellar del claro de luna en tus ojos,
me hipnotice a lo largo de mi vida.
Deja que la suavidad de las sabanas te acaricie;
Deja que te envuelva la calida y chispiante luz de las estellas.
Deja que mis fuertes brazos, te envuelvan en un calido abrazo;
deja que mis ojos sedientos se ahoguen en tu cara.
Ven reposa bajo mi comoda proteccion,
aceptando sin miedo toda mi precencia.
No hago demanda alguna que no sea mi deceo,
pues yo solo deceo que Espiritu descanse aqui en mi corazon,
donde retengo todas las cosas mas cercanas,
lejos de la pillante luz del dia,
manteniendote cerca de mi alma bondadoza,
dejandote escoger si te quedas o te vas.
Cuidadosamente envuelve mi corazon con tus brazos,
reposa conmigo y viaja a nuevos y lejanos lugares.
Une tu espititu sutil con mi paz interna,
pon tu confianza en mis manos, dame todo de ti.
Presiona tu dulce cara contra mi pecho
y la vision magnifica de la noche.
Entrelaza los dedos en un calido apreton
y dejame ser el guia de todas tus visiones.
Nos elvaremos mas alla
de las preciadas puertas de la eternidad,
solo tres millas mas alla del placer puro del extasis;
entonces bajaremos en el oscilante y torcido camino del infinito,
y tomaremos la salida, cuatro millas mas alla de la divinidad.
Nos deslizaremos a lo largo del borde del Universo
y nos propulsaran revasando la velocidad de la Luz;
iremos do veces mas alla de los limites terrenales
y veremos el mundo rotar, formando el dia y la noche.
Regresaremos al ambiente de los besos de mar en el cuarto de anil
y salpicaremos con suavidad, el firmamento de la mente.
Las calidas sabanas nos daran co gusto la bienvenida a nuestro regresso,
Dejando para otro tiempo nuestra experienca del Universio.
De regreso, en el azul terciopelo de la obscuridad,
el solitario hilito plateado del rayo de luna,
todavia flota a  traves de lo alto de la cama
formando su ondulado resplandor electrico.
A mi lado,  observas silenciosamente la escena
y teines pensamientos que no puedo adivinar.
Mi mente vaga, mis facciones permanecen iguales,
hasta que una gran sonrisa aparece en mi cara
cuando to contestas que Si.

Woodside Park
By Don Barbera, ã1999

While you were gone on business, I decided to catch up my exercise;

because I’ve been eating too good and have started to worry about my size.
I laced on my favorite jogging shoes, threw my stuff in the back of the Mark,
called mamma and said I’d be there later, then I drove off to Woodside Park.
I hadn’t been there in years, but it was a place I often thought of;
because it’s impossible to forget the place where we first fell in love.
Ran with the flowers on nature’s trail, until I worked up a glistening sweat,
I ran to the glade where we used to go, drank some water and sat to rest.
I hadn’t been sitting long, when I saw a couple beneath the trees;
I smiled quietly to myself, because it made me think of you and me.
I gazed with pleasant imagination, Taking in the loving view;
but the smile slid from my broken face, when I realized—it was you.